A Panoply of Pisswizardry

Ah, you can’t keep a good man down. Or a God-awful one either, but them’s the breaks. It’s Monday, so it must be idiot day!

It’s hard to know where to start really, but let’s begin, as we must start somewhere, with a consummate pillock, the idiot’s idiot: Iain Duncan-Smith, a man with the vacant glassy-eyed stare of the recently lobotomised and the mental capacity to match.

Anyway, today, he’s been having a bit of a hissy fit, complaining that Justin Welby, the new Archbishop of Canterbury, was wrong to, you know, do his job as the leader of the Church of England and speak up for the weakest in society when he ventured the not unreasonable opinion that a “civilised society” had a duty to support the vulnerable. How inconsiderate of him! Still, this is just par for the course IDS is a man who really should be left in the corner with the safety scissors, PVA glue and glitter, but not left in control of the budget of a government department.

And let’s not forget Liam Fox. who decided to stick his head above the parapet this morning to address the Institute for Economic Affairs in a blizzard of such blithering stupidity that it would be really hard to stop laughing if you didn’t realise this nutsack was serious, and possesses the proselytising zeal of a neo-con jihadi. In Fox’s world, the last decade has seen a socialist coup. In his speech he called for lower taxes, apparently saying that:

“The great socialist coup of the last decade was making wealth an embarrassment. It is not. It is the prize for aspiration and hard work, and its side effects are higher tax revenues, more jobs and more investment.”

Oh, sweet irony. Wealth is the prize for aspiration and hard work, d’you see?. Or perhaps it’s the inevitable consequence of policy that seeks to concentrate ever more money, resource sand power in the hands of those who already have them. Having 26 of 27 EU member nations wanting to cap the obscenity of financial sector bonus culture in the teeth of the banks being useless has seemingly not registered with Liam. Clearly not, seeing as our old friend Gidiot was the only dissenting voice in the entire EU. It’s a fairly transparent land grab for support on the Tory right, ready for when the inevitable leadership scrum begins. But it doesn’t make him any less of a spunkbucket. There’s so much to pick apart in his speech that there’s not really time or space to write it all. But to summarise, Liam has almost as one-eyed a view of political and economic history as it is possible to have. And he conveniently forgets that Conservative chancellors can be useless too. Yes, I’m looking at you Norman Lamont. And you, Reginald Maudling.

And then. And then. There is Chris Huhne. Putting aside his dreadful wife for one second, I think we are all safe to agree that this man, to misquote the Bard, is a piece of work indeed. His “apology” tonight on receiving eight months’ porridge is as cringingly insincere as one might imagine. For all of the weasel words, the principal thing he seems sorry about is that he got caught. His current sorrow didn’t seem to matter to him much when he spent much of his time trying to wriggle out of the whole situation. I can’t say I’m rejoicing in his fate, but I can’t honestly say that he hasn’t got exactly what he deserves either.

Finally, what parade of preening bellends would be complete without the übertwunt himself: the Coalition’s fag, Nick Clegg? Tonight’s Party Political Broadcast followed on from the LibDem‘s spring conference yesterday in a fog of misty-eyed self-delusion. Clegg spent his speech telling the faithful that they could win, and that they could win because of being in government, not in spite of it (or in spite of having such a cack-satchel as a leader). Now, obviously after Eastleigh he is trying very, very hard (as in, ‘Click your heels three times and say “There’s No Place Like Home”-hard’) to cling on to the slightest hope he can find, but even the most optimistic pollster is going to find it difficult to extrapolate much positive out of that result, even though they did hold the seat in the end. Even more flesh-creeping was the attempt tonight to paint themselves as the party of the low paid.

“What will you do with the £600 per year you’ll save in income tax under the LibDems?”, the PPB asked. Well, let’s see: there’s the higher gas charges, and electricity, and petrol prices. And the fact that VAT is still 20%. And when you factor in that some will additionally lose out with the lovely Bedroom Tax that, in a tender reprise of his heroine, the Leaderine, David Cameron alone seemingly now calls the “Under Occupancy Surcharge”, it looks mostly like the question should be, “How many creative ways will the Treasury use to have back the 600 income tax you think you’ve got from it??”

Really, the whole thing was an equal mixture of nausea and hilarity. But I suppose I’m perverse like that. Isn’t British political life just peachy, huh?



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